Late last week I spent some time talking with a friend who has a young child. We started discussing children’ s coping mechanisms and how important it is that we allow this to develop in children. That discussion has led to this week ‘s topic, resilience. Resilience is such an important element of life. During my teaching years I have seen a huge change in the resilience of children or should I say the level of resilience in children. So, what is resilience and how do we help.

The noun resilience stems from the Latin resiliens, “to rebound, recoil.” As a character trait, resilience is a person’s ability to recover quickly from unfortunate circumstances or illness. For example, a runner falling during a race, getting back up and completing, is showing resilience. For children we can break that down even further. It means things like:

1. Not giving up when something is hard – Like struggling with a tricky puzzle, but sticking with it until they solve it. This shows determination and patience, and it teaches kids that hard work pays off.
2. Managing their emotions after disappointment – Losing a game can be tough, but resilient kids congratulate the winner and try again next time. They learn how to cope with negative emotions, which builds emotional strength.
3. Facing challenges with confidence – Speaking in front of the class, even when they feel nervous, is a big step. Resilient kids learn to face their fears, take risks, and grow from the experience.
4. Learning from mistakes – Instead of feeling defeated when something doesn’t go as planned, resilient children see mistakes as learning opportunities. They understand that failure isn’t the end; it’s a chance to try again and do better next time.
5. Try new things, even when they seem scary – Whether it’s making a new friend or joining a new activity, resilient kids aren’t afraid to step out of their comfort zone. They embrace new experiences, knowing that growth happens when they push themselves.
6. Taking Risks – Taking risks doesn’t mean being reckless. It means stepping outside of comfort zones, trying new things, and learning to manage uncertainty. Children who are given the opportunity to take healthy risks develop problem-solving skills, confidence, and the ability to handle setbacks.

Helping vs. Overhelping: Are We Building Resilience or Hindering It?

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect our children from struggles, disappointment, and frustration. No one likes to see their child upset or struggling. But in our effort to help, we sometimes step in too quickly, unintentionally preventing them from developing the resilience they need to face challenges later in life.

Let’s take a closer look at the everyday situations where we might be helping too much—and how small changes can make a big difference in building resilience.

Not Giving Up When Something is Hard

💡 The Common Reaction: A child struggles with a puzzle or a difficult math problem, and instead of letting them persist, we step in and do it for them.
✅ A Better Approach: Instead of solving it for them, we guide them. Sit with them, offer encouragement, and ask questions like, “What piece do you think might fit here?” or “What happens if you try it this way?” Giving hints instead of answers allows children to develop perseverance.

Managing Emotions After Disappointment

💡 The Common Reaction: A child loses a game, and we quickly distract them with a treat or say, “It doesn’t matter, you should have won anyway.”
✅ A Better Approach: Acknowledge their feelings, but encourage perspective. “I know you’re upset, but you did your best. What can you try next time?” This teaches them to handle loss with grace rather than avoidance.

Facing Challenges with Confidence

💡 The Common Reaction: A child is nervous about speaking in class, and we let them skip it to avoid stress.
✅ A Better Approach: Encourage them to take small steps. “Let’s practice together. I’ll be your audience first.” When they see they can do it, their confidence grows.

Learning from Mistakes

💡 The Common Reaction: A child spills milk, breaks a toy, or makes a mistake on homework, and we immediately fix it, saying, “Here, let me do it.”
✅ A Better Approach: Help them see mistakes as learning moments. “Oops! That happened. How can we clean it up together?” or “Let’s look at what went wrong and try again.”

Trying New Things, Even When They Seem Scary

💡 The Common Reaction: A child hesitates to join a new activity, and we say, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
✅ A Better Approach: Encourage them to take a small step. “Let’s go together the first time and just watch.” Often, fear fades once they see it’s not as intimidating as they imagined.

The Key Takeaway:

Building resilience doesn’t mean leaving children to struggle alone—it means guiding them through challenges rather than removing them. By offering support without taking over, we help children develop the confidence and persistence they need to face life’s ups and downs.

The Role of Risk in Building Resilience

Another important part of building resilience is learning to take risks. For parents letting your child start to take risks is sometimes scary. Watching your child ride their bike on the road for the first time,taking their first swim without floaties, climbing higher on the playground than ever before—these moments can be nerve-wracking for parents. But they are also critical for developing resilience

Why Risk-Taking Matters:

✔️ Builds Confidence – When children try something challenging and succeed, they learn, “I can do hard things.”
✔️ Teaches Problem-Solving – They figure out how to adjust, adapt, and try again if things don’t work out the first time.
✔️ Encourages Independence – They start to trust their own judgment instead of always looking to adults for direction.

Examples of Healthy Risk-Taking for Kids:

• Learning to ride a bike without training wheels
• Climbing a tree or playground equipment a little higher
• Trying out for a sports team or school play
• Speaking up in class or making a new friend
• Managing their own money (e.g., deciding how to spend their allowance)

What Parents Can Do:

• Assess the risk vs. the danger. Is the risk manageable, or is there a real threat? Climbing a tree? Probably fine. Jumping off a roof? Definitely not.
• Let them struggle a little. It’s okay if they wobble on their bike or fall while learning to roller skate. That’s how they build persistence.
• Praise effort, not just success. Focus on “You were really brave to try that!” instead of only celebrating when they succeed.
• Model resilience. Share times when you faced a challenge and kept going. Show them that making mistakes is part of learning.

Letting go is hard, but resilience grows when children are allowed to navigate risks in a safe and supportive environment. With each small challenge they overcome, they become stronger, more confident, and better prepared for life’s bigger obstacles.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my years of teaching is that resilience isn’t something children are born with—it’s something they develop through experience. And sometimes, that experience involves risk-taking.

In my last few years of teaching, I worked with many children with disabilities, and one child in particular comes to mind when I think about resilience. She wasn’t a small child, and she struggled with balance. Yet, she had one goal: to walk across a bridge of wooden stumps.

The challenge? Each stump was spaced about 60 cm apart, with nothing to hold onto. At first, she needed full support—one teacher on each side, holding her hands as she carefully stepped from one stump to the next. Over time, we reduced our help. She went from holding both hands, to just one, to having someone standing nearby in case she wobbled. And then, one day, she did it—completely on her own.

I will never forget the smile on her face at that moment. It was pure joy, a reflection of her pride in herself. She knew she had accomplished something hard.

For us as adults, letting go was difficult. We worried she would fall. We wanted to keep holding her hand. But had we never stepped back, she wouldn’t have had the chance to prove to herself that she could do it.

Why Risk-Taking Helps Build Resilience

Risk-taking isn’t about recklessness—it’s about allowing children to face challenges, work through fear, and build confidence. When children take healthy risks, they develop:

• Physical resilience – Learning to manage their bodies, whether through climbing, balancing, or riding a bike.
• Emotional resilience – Overcoming fear, handling frustration, and building self-belief.
• Problem-solving skills – Figuring out how to approach new challenges rather than giving up.

Resilience doesn’t develop overnight—it’s built through small moments of struggle, effort, and perseverance. As parents, it’s hard to watch our children struggle, but stepping back and letting them work through challenges is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

The joy on that little girl’s face when she crossed the stumps on her own? That’s the joy of resilience. And every child deserves to feel that sense of achievement.

What about you? Can you think of a time your child showed resilience? How did you support them? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!