“In my last blog, I discussed resilience and how we can help our children develop it. This week, I’d like to take that further by exploring boundaries—how they shape life skills such as risk-taking, coping with challenges, and ultimately, resilience.”

Boundaries shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing but rather as a guide to help children in their development. The first boundaries start at home. From a young age, parents introduce limits that shape their child’s understanding of the world and lay the foundation for life. From bedtimes to the food they eat and the television shows they watch, these early limits help instill important life skills that carry through into adulthood.

Boundaries evolve as children grow. For example, how do boundaries shift from early childhood to the teenage years? As adults, we all know the importance of getting a good night’s sleep, so it’s essential to teach this to children from a young age. As they grow, their sleep needs will change. Helping them understand this may make it easier for them to accept why an older sibling stays up later. Though it may be challenging at first, setting and sticking to bedtimes will benefit everyone. One way to make this easier is by establishing bedtime routines.

When my children were young, Fat Cat would come on TV at 7:30 p.m. They would say goodnight to Fat Cat, brush their teeth, hop into bed, and read a story before I tucked them in. That was our routine—most of the time, it worked. A growing trend I’ve noticed is parents staying in bed with their child until they fall asleep. While this may feel comforting, it can also create challenges. I’ve visited friends where one parent disappeared to put the children to bed and wasn’t seen again for an hour!

Routines help reinforce boundaries, but consistency is key. To maintain consistency, routines must be manageable. Setting a boundary you can’t consistently uphold only leads to frustration for both parents and children.

The Power of Saying No

One of the hardest parts of parenting is saying no to your children, but it teaches them about limits, self-regulation, and the reality that they won’t always get what they want in life. Some parents avoid saying no due to guilt, a desire to avoid tantrums, or feeling the need to keep their child happy all the time. However, hearing no helps children develop patience, emotional resilience, and the ability to handle disappointment.

Another reason parents struggle with saying no is the desire to be liked by their children. I cringe every time I hear the phrase: “My mum/dad is my best friend” or “My daughter/son is my best friend.” It’s concerning when parents and children rely on each other as their only best friends. That’s not to say parents shouldn’t be close to their children, but part of our role is to prepare them for life in the real world, where they must interact, work, and build relationships with others.

This concept also applies to teachers. While teachers can and should have great personal relationships with their students, they are not their friends. There is a difference between being supportive and forming a friendship, and maintaining that boundary helps children learn respect, guidance, and how to build appropriate relationships in different settings.

How to Say No Effectively

So, how do we say no to children in a way that supports their growth?

• Remain calm. Children learn from how we respond, so keeping a level head is key.
• Explain your decision when appropriate. Sometimes, a simple explanation can help children understand and accept boundaries.
• Stand firm in your decision. Avoid giving in to pressure or negotiating beyond reason.
• Don’t get drawn into a battle of emotions. Keep discussions focused and avoid escalating conflicts.
• Balance boundaries with opportunities for “yes.” When children also experience freedom within limits, they see boundaries as a structure that supports them rather than just restrictions.

Boundaries are a crucial part of raising resilient, capable children. They provide security, teach responsibility, and help children navigate the world with confidence. By setting clear, manageable boundaries and standing by them, we empower our children to develop the life skills they need to thrive.

Boundaries are not about control—they are about guidance, security, and preparing children for the real world. When set with consistency, understanding, and love, they teach children essential life skills such as resilience, patience, and self-regulation. While saying no isn’t always easy, it is a necessary part of parenting. By setting firm yet fair boundaries, we give our children the structure they need to grow into confident, capable individuals who can navigate life’s challenges with independence and resilience.

What Do You Think?
Setting boundaries is one of the most challenging but important parts of parenting. Have you found certain boundaries particularly helpful for your child? How do you handle saying no? I’d love to hear your thoughts—share your experiences in the comments below